With my level of education, experience, and abilities why would I even bother sticking around for this long, or better yet why don’t I leave this moment? The truth is that I’m addicted to material things such as my vehicle that has been “given” (not really) to me. What is even more unusual is the fact that it just sits there, unused for the most part. Truthfully it is the only thing keeping me from re-checking into the hospital simply to have space from all of the sick, selfish, and codependent people that surround me. The reality of it is that I cannot accept that getting healthy (being out of this home) immediately requires for me to leave behind the one possession I have that isn’t even mine to begin with. I am not brave enough to enter the world without it. Facing friends, or the city I grew up in with nothing to show is not an option for me. I absolutely refuse to give any person the satisfaction of saying “I told you so” because I was not wrong to dream nor was I wrong about life. I haven’t had a single thing handed to me like the people I was encouraged to be around, my advice and insight into markets alone was enough to make my entire family wealthy and the only mistake I made was to waste my time and breath trying to explain it to them. Even with proof in front of their own eyes it they still stare with an dumb founded look as if I’m the crazy one.
Why didn’t I move out when I had the chance and credit to? Instead of applauding my success in my career of being a financial sector only 20 credit was never given to me by friends or family. Instead they somehow managed to find a way to belittle what they thought was such an “incredible” position I in their eyes somehow “managed” to end up in. They still refer back to it as if it were some miraculous job that I should have never let go of in the midst of their backwards and illogical rationale.
My mother has more drugs pumped into her body than pharmacy’s can keep up with and I’m supposed to trust her? She is one of the biggest addicts I have ever encountered in my entire life wasting her life away at clinics and casinos. I guess I do love her but her life long attraction to prescription drugs meant I was virtually born addicted to not only that but smoking as well. She has never been held accountable for any of her destructive, selfish, addictive, and violent behaviour and stops at absolutely NOTHING to hide, avoid, and protect her disgraceful way of life while my father sits back and fuels her fire saving his outbursts for me. I did need medication to keep me leveled through the reality of this all but know for a fact my actions, ambitions, goals, and plans were/ are much saner than theirs which is the one element that infuriates me more than any words can articulate.